new year, new direction

so here's my big news for the new year.
i quit pharmacy school and i'm going to grad school for my PhD.
this was obviously a huge decision and i've talked it over with my family who support me in my choice. it hit me a few days before christmas - i just don't care about pharmacy any more, if i ever did.
becoming a pharmacist was a decision i made in the 10th grade. i questioned it briefly when i was a sophomore at the U and found how much i loved working in the lab but i felt that pharmacy school was what was expected of me because i had talked about it so much so i kept going for it. the signs were there. when i had to take anatomy, physiology, and microbiology for prerequisites, i hated them. i could just not bring myself to care about the material or the classes. but i loved where i worked so i figured it would get better. but i hated my first year of pharmacy school, too. i decided that it must be because i had taken all those classes or similar ones before and that i wasn't learning anything new. but i hated the next year. then i thought i must be because i was struggling with kidney stones and was out of it for about a month and a half. but then i still hated it this past semester. it was near impossible for me to care about any of the material, which made it hard to pay attention in class or to study for tests. i tried but not my hardest. my heart wasn't in it. even going back to work over breaks became less enjoyable.
i love the pharmacy and the people i work with but not what i do. my favorite part of work was figuring out difficult insurance problems or doing other things that were barely pharmacy related because it allowed me a chance to work through a problem. i wasn't just parroting information from LexiComp or Epocrates. i never wanted to be a doctor's reference book.
i also never made it a secret that i was only going to pharmacy school so that i could earn both a PharmD and a PhD and go into research. in fact, that's one of the main reasons why UGA wanted me. they told me that they were trying to start a dual-degree program and that i would help them launch it and work out any kinks. however, 2 and a half years later, they seem to be no closer to getting a program started now than they were when i interviewed with them. i don't blame them. i know such a huge undertaking takes time. but while i was waiting, i was getting more in debt and inching closer and closer to becoming a retail pharmacist for the rest of my life. i admire my peers and the pharmacists i work with. i know what they do is important and difficult. but it's not what interests me.
my happiest moments while i have been at UGA have been while i worked in a research lab. those are the days i would actually call or email my parents and tell them what i was working on. those were the days i was excited to get up and go to school. those were the days that i put my heart and soul into something. even running columns was more enjoyable than anything else i was doing. and ever since i have made the decision to leave pharmacy school, i have been happier than i have been in years. i feel so free and relieved to no longer be pretending to be something i'm not. i'm taking 3 advanced chemistry courses this semester and i am so excited to start classes tomorrow. i'm not really sure what my life holds over the next year but i am embracing it. i'm going to take the GRE this month then look into what grad schools i want to apply to. depending on application deadlines, i may end up back in Utah to work for a year before starting on my PhD. i already know which research facilities i would like to work in but we'll see what happens.
in the meantime, i am so incredibly lucky to have such supportive friends and family - both my biological family and my pharmily. few people were really surprised to hear my decision. my unhappiness has been obvious for a while as has my disinterest. those people who know me well know where my passions lie. my parents have apparently been expecting something like this for a few months. i am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity i have had to come out to georgia and to meet some truly awesome people. i have forged friendships that i hope will last a lifetime. i have also learned a lot about myself - including the fact that it's okay to make mistakes and to do something crazy like completely change the course of my life.
thank you all for your support and love. i'll keep you updated on where my life is going.
happy new year. :)

women in science

i know it's been a long time since i last updated and there are actually quite a few things i should talk about but right now i am seriously upset and i just need to vent.
that being said, take everything written from this point on with a grain of salt. chances are that i'll say something now that i wouldn't say if i had taken a day to calm down.
today i became aware of a discussion surrounding a certain facebook page that celebrates science. people have recently discovered that the owner and administrator of this page possesses lady parts. naturally, this has caused the internet to have a meltdown. another owner of lady parts wrote a blog about how sad it is that our society naturally assumes SCIENCE = MANLY. this blogger also pointed out how the facebook page owner was made uncomfortable when people started to comment on how they thought she was aesthetically pleasing. now the blogger is being torn to shreds because she dared to tell those who commented that THEY MADE SOMEONE UNCOMFORTABLE. she is making a "big deal" out of something that is really not a problem.
guess what?
THIS IS REALLY A PROBLEM.
THIS IS REALLY A BIG PROBLEM.
when i was in elementary, junior high, and high school, i was smart. i didn't feel weird for liking my chemistry classes or getting the highest grades in math. i thought i was cool. the friends i had thought i was pretty cool, too. or at least they thought i wasn't terribly UNcool. they did hang around me.
then college came.
those same friends and those supportive teachers weren't there anymore. i wasn't in a class of 30 kids. i was in classes of 300. luckily, i managed to find a support group of 20 other brilliant females who were also scientifically inclined. still, 21 vs 30,000 is pretty bad odds. we studied together, took classes together, even lived together. we created a safe haven for ourselves where we could be both scientists and girls. we could discuss organic chemistry one minute and shoes the next AND THIS WAS NOT THOUGHT OF AS STRANGE. the 21 of us had our own little utopia. unfortunately, we all started to choose our majors and career paths and began to take separate classes. some of us moved away to med school. some of us got married. some of us lost touch. and that was when i first realized that the world has a problem.
 i was taking a PDEs class where i was one of about 40 students. i was also 1 of 4 female students. i was the only female student i would classify as "girly." every day that i walked into that classroom, half of the males would stare at me in disbelief and/or condescension. the general feeling in the classroom was "how cute that she thinks she can handle this math." the other girls were slightly more tolerated (or should i say "they were more ignored"?) because they didn't flaunt their "girliness." i don't judge those girls for what they wore or how they did their hair. for all i know, it was a coping mechanism and the moment they got out of that classroom, they were dressed in pink from head to toe. what i do know is that the 4 of us girls sat on opposite sides of the room. we never spoke to each other. i think we were afraid to band together because that would call more attention down upon us. so every day, i sat by myself off to the side, trying to listen to the lecture and learn while also trying not to appear weak. i never once asked a question during class because that would admit that i didn't know something. i would wait until class was over then speak to the professor in private. once i answered a question correctly after one of my male peers had given a wrong answer. the glares i received sent the message loud and clear that i was not welcome. once i worked up the courage to approach some of my classmates before class to ask them about a homework problem. the boys looked me over from head to toe, shoved a notebook in my direction, turned their backs and proceeded to ignore me. all i wanted was for someone to explain the problem to me, not give me the answer to copy. none of them even looked up when i left the table. eventually the semester ended. i don't remember much of what i learned about partial differential equations but i will never forget what i learned about men. from then on, my approach to science and math classes was changed. i was immediately on the defensive every time i stepped into a classroom or lab. i did my best not to speak up or answer questions. i had been told where my place was. if i had to be in a science class, i should at least sit there with my mouth shut.
sadly, i consider myself one of the lucky ones. some of those 21 girls went into engineering. the department of chemistry is an estrogen party compared to the engineering schools. i'm still amazed that we made it out of college with degrees and now we're in med school, grad school, pharmacy school, PA school, working in labs, teaching math classes, raising families, and, most incredible of all, we are FUNCTIONAL. we all came out with battle scars but we made it out. how many girls who were not quite so sure if they loved science were scared away because of situations like these? how many brilliant minds have been wasted?
basically, what i really want to say is that NO male has the right to tell me or any other female that we should not be offended when they make comments about how surprised they are that we are scientists. "but it's not like they told me to get back into the kitchen, right?" WRONG. if you want to say something, say "that's awesome. what got you interested in science?" or "cool. i never really understood o chem so i admire anyone who does." or "i like science, too. i wonder what other shared interests we have." also, if you're going to ask a girl what her major is, be prepared for an answer like "chemistry" or "astrophysics" or "biomedical engineering" because when she says one of those things and you reply ".......oh. well, nice meeting you." and turn away to talk to that hot business major, you're perpetuating this awful cycle. you won't remember that encounter, but she will.

take a look! it's in a book!

first off, gold stars to everyone who knows what this ^ is all about.
second, several months ago you may have noticed a new "library" tab at the top of my blog. it's now partially updated. i've listed the books i currently have with me and a few of the ones i have at home. i'll try to finish it over spring break.
if you ever want to borrow a book, just send me an email or a facebook message or a text or leave a comment here! if you're in georgia and want to borrow a book that's in utah, or vice versa, it might take a few weeks to get to you but i'll do my best (with the help of my lovely parents)
now, get reading!

*knock* *knock* *knock* pops!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POPS!

today is my dad's birthday. it's the first time in my life that i haven't been there to celebrate with him. however, i just had a 2 hour long Skype call with him and the rest of my family (cat included) so i still got to see him open his presents. i got him some pretty awesome/dorky stuff. i get my nerd genes from him so it's usually pretty easy for me to shop for him.

i pretty much always get him books for every holiday. i normally pick books that i would like to read, too, because he'll hand them over to me when he's finished :) this year, i got him two books:

The Drunkard's Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives by Leonard Mlodinow

My Inventions and Other Writings by Nikola Tesla

my other traditional gift is a tie. specifically a geeky tie.

Geek Insignia Ties in Formulas

lastly, this year i also got him a monty python game. my dad loves monty python and i do, too. we used to watch his DVDs together at night when i was in high school.

Monty Python Fluxx Card Game

and, to top it all off, i even wrapped his presents in geeky wrapping paper.

Geeky Wrapping Paper in Equations

i hope you had a good birthday, dad. i love you and i miss you!

lolremi

on a side note, you should all go vote for my own lolcat because she's adorable :)

spring semester!

so i figure i owe this post to at least my mother to give her some idea of how i spend my days out here. for those of you who don't know yet, i'm back in the research lab! i'm working for dr. kennedy doing organic synthesis and i love it. i knew i missed doing research but i didn't realize just how much i missed it. here is a very, very simple and short summary of what i'm doing:

what we're doing is kind of a novel approach to drug design. most drugs are a molecule made to fit into a specific "pocket" on a protein to affect the protein's function. what we're doing is trying to alter a protein so it affects the way it interacts with other proteins.

if you want to read even more about what we're doing, you can visit dr. kennedy's lab page.
somehow dr. kennedy has gotten the idea that i'm some sort of organic synthesis prodigy, ever since i told her i got my chem degree from the U. i knew the U had an amazing chem department but i'm really surprised at how my status increases when i tell people at other universities that i went there. dr. kennedy even interviewed at the U for a professorship. (oh, also, in case matt ever reads this: you may be the only one at the U to do real chemistry since you do Stanford chemistry but i'm doing Harvard chemistry so suck on that.) dr. kennedy is pretty much a genius in my eyes so i'm flattered that she thinks so highly of me. i only hope i don't end up proving her wrong. this is where i'm actually thankful for jeremie and matt for holding me to such a high standard for a college freshman in her first research lab. a lot of their lessons have actually managed to stick and my technique is pretty amazing. of course, it's also a little easier now that i actually understand the concepts behind everything that i'm doing. also, i've found i can only run a column while listening to hardcore rock. i have jeremie to thank for that as well.
if you talk to me at all in the coming weeks and months, i will probably complain about running a column at some point so i decided i might as well take the opportunity to explain the process here before everyone starts asking questions (i'm looking at you, mom and lisa).

this is the basic setup of a column. i'll try and explain it as best as i can.
first, you start with silica gel. you dissolve it in your solvent system (i'm not going to try to explain how to choose a solvent system in this post) and pour it into your glass column. you want to make sure you have enough silica so that your molecules have plenty of room to separate. second, you load your impure product on the top of the silica layer then cover that with sand. the sand is there to protect the top of your silica layer from getting disturbed when you pour solvent in. it's important that your silica layer and impure product remain as level as possible, otherwise your molecules start running down the column slanted and you get what is called "mixed fractions," meaning you have collected more than 1 type of molecule in the test tube, which is bad.
okay, now that you have all that set up, you pour in some solvent and then cap the column with a nitrogen line. you increase the pressure in the column by blowing nitrogen onto it and that makes the solvent move through it quicker than it would if you just let gravity pull it down. assuming you've chosen your solvent system correctly and done everything else correctly thus far, theoretically you should be able to let the solvent drip into the test tubes below and manage to collect only one type of molecule at a time.
now, to give you an idea of how long this can take, each of those test tubes can hold roughly 10 mL and can take about 3 minutes to fill (this can be shorter if you turn up the nitrogen even higher but you run the risk of getting a whole different set of problems if you go too fast). for this particular column i was running, i went through roughly 1 L (or 1000 mL) of solvent. remember how it was 3 minutes per 10 mL? that means it took me around 5 hours to run this column. and even then i technically wasn't finished. i was forced to stop because we ran out of the solvent i was using.
wow. actually writing it out made it that much more depressing.
anyway, enough about chemistry. i probably did a horrible job of explaining this. i'm going to try and think of how to explain the theory behind it for a future post. don't hold your breath, though.
on a lighter note, my parents love me! they sent me a box full of fun stuff for valentine's day, including refills of my medications! wooohooo! but my favorite thing tucked inside was this:

i doubt anyone knows who this is, but it is timmy from shaun the sheep. shaun the sheep is an adorable series of short episodes from the guy who made wallace and grommit. i suggest you watch the following clip to understand just how adorable timmy is. thanks mom and dad! i love you guys :)

Spring Lamb (Shaun the Sheep) from Alexey Volkov on Vimeo.

My Review of The Big Bang Theory Singing Soft Kitty Plush

Originally submitted at CBS

Soft Kitty,Warm kitty, Little ball of fur. Happy kitty, Sleepy kitty, Purr purr purr. The Big Bang Theory Soft Kitty Plush From: The Big Bang Theory Labs Prescribing MD: Sheldons Mom RX: #355717 Contains: 1 Soft Kitty Plush Indications: For when you're sick Instruction: Press Big Bang Theory Soft K...

The Big Bang Theory Singing Soft Kitty Plush

warm kitty, soft kitty...

By Laura from Salt Lake City, UT on 12/21/2011

5out of 5

Pros: Great gift, Cute, Fun
Best Uses: Teens, Adults, Older Children, Young Children
Describe Yourself: Education Oriented, Single, Graduate student, Student
Was this a gift?: Yes

soft kitty...what can i say? the moment i saw it, i knew i had to have it. i got it for my birthday and i love it. even my friend who had never seen TBBT loved it (i'm happy to say that she is now hooked on the series). other reviewers have said that it's hard to operate but i had no problems figuring it out. it's a wonderful gift!

(legalese)

cats!

as i mentioned in my last post, we have 3 stray cats that live in our area. i started leaving food out a while ago and now they're pretty much regulars. we've named them and managed to take pictures of all of them as well. they're fun to watch and help me not miss my own little fluff ball back home. (note: we haven't managed to get close enough to determine if any of these are male or female so they all have gender neutral names)

this is spooky.  spooky was the first to come hang out at our house and now stops by just about every afternoon when we get out of class. spooky is also the bravest of the cats. the first time he came by, i had the back door open while i was in the kitchen filling up the bowl with water and he took a few steps inside! he'll also let us sit in front of the door and watch him eat. he probably thinks we're insane. spooky is my favorite because he reminds me of my old kitty, ebony. he also has a bite out of the top of his left ear, probably from a fight, so i just want to keep the little bugger so he can have a safe home.

this is our latest addition, teenie (alternatively called tiny). we first saw him near another house down the street from us and he looked like a little kitten. now that we've gotten a closer look at him, he's definitely not as tiny as we first thought. he's not as brave as spooky is. he'll let us get close but you have to be really sneaky about it. if he does get scared and run off, he'll come back a few minutes later. we also think he may be the offspring of the next cat.

 roly-poly is the largest and the most skittish of the 3 cats. that's why this picture is so bad. this is the closest we could manage to get to him. he also only shows up to eat later at night and will run off if you use flash. he will bolt if he so much as suspects that you might be looking at him. i think he may have been a  house cat at one point but was probably abused. he likes to sleep behind the house that's next to us so you can sometimes see him when you're coming back from class if you're quiet enough.

our last visitor is not a cat. robin hood is a fox who has been by twice. apparently foxes also like to eat cat food. we haven't managed to get a picture of him yet but i'll post it as soon as we do.

this one's for heather

i feel like i should write something but there hasn't been much going on to write about. life has basically been filled with tests, tests, cats, and, oh yes, more tests. i guess i can talk about the cats. BUT FIRST i need to talk about heather.

heather is a whiney little brat my bcff which, if you recall stands for "best chemistry friend forever." she kindly informed me that there is a severe lack of mentions of her in this blog. so here it is. AN ENTIRE POST DEDICATED TO YOU. congratulations. you are the first person to have one of my blog posts dedicated to her. you even beat out my mom to that privilege.

most of you are probably wondering "who the crap is this heather person?" i will tell you.

name: heather marie (last name omitted so that anyone who sees her awesomeness will have a harder time stalking her. although you can email me if you really, really want to stalk her and i'll give you her address)

date of birth: may 31

astrological sign: gemini

chinese zodiac sign: ox

origins: utah

religion: eh, no thanks

occupation: does stuff with xrays, MRIs and other imaging stuff from doctors.

major: double major, thank you very much. biology and anthropology

guilty pleasure: katy perry

likes: coffee, me, gourmandise, trashy celeb magazines

dislikes: chemistry, rhianna, our quant analysis TA, CHEMISTRY

significant other: well, me but she's filling the gaping whole i left with some guy named jesse. whatever.

favorite color: i actually don't know. if i had to guess, i'd say green.

favorite ice cream: i got her ben & jerry's one time...i think it was the coffee heath bar crunch. i could be wrong, though.

hobbies: visiting coffee shops with me and critiquing them (based on the quality of coffee/hot chocolate, quality of other patrons, supply of trashy celeb magazines, music playing)

obviously, this is not everything there is to know about heather. just the stuff i can think of right now. so there you go. i hope your day has been brightened.

the help

The Help by Kathryn Stockett
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

i'm still not sure how i feel about this book. it was decent but it definitely was not as earth-shattering as some seem to think. it is definitely NOT on the level of "to kill a mockingbird." i feel like the author wanted to write a book about every controversial issue during the time period. what she managed to do was to touch on a lot of things but none of them very deeply. the ending felt abrupt and too convenient. i was honestly expecting this to be a tragedy that would have me crying but that definitely did not happen. i think my review of this book would have been better if i had not had such high expectations from the start. as just a work of fiction it is good enough but not as some great social commentary.

View all my reviews

one month later...

so much for keeping this updated while traveling. oops! i didn't realize just how tiring it is to drive across country in 3 days, especially through some of the more "different" areas of the country (ex. missouri). but now i'm here in georgia and i've been loving it! it's the weirdest feeling but i feel like i've known many of my classmates my whole life and not for just a few weeks. i feel like i just belong here. i haven't even really had a problem with being homesick except for the first day after my parents left. i've just been too busy to dwell on how much i miss home.
i feel like i should be complaining about how busy and hard school is but quite honestly, i'm not that stressed. i'm having the time of my life out here and i find the classes quite enjoyable. i'm glad that i got my bachelor's in chemistry before starting, though, and did more than the minimum requirements of prerequisite courses. it's made things a WHOLE lot easier, especially in biochem and anatomy/pathophysiology. the rest of my courses are pretty easy thanks to my experience in the field (thank you gibsons!). i'm just a little nervous that having things too easy right now will make me lazy for when things get harder in the future. but i'll deal with that when it comes.
besides school, i stay busy by getting used to the city and settling in with a new group of friends. i'm used to being fairly antisocial because i knew that i already had all my friends and i knew i could get together with them whenever i wanted. i don't have that luxury here so i have to force myself out of my comfort zone. otherwise, it will just be me dealing with myself all day every day and that is a good way to drive myself insane.
i miss and love everyone back home! i enjoy getting emails and letters, even if i don't reply with lengthy novels as my mother has come to find out. i know i don't keep in touch as much as she'd like but i figure that's a good sign because it means i'm establishing myself here and not having homesickness hold me back.
i'll try to write again later this week. no tests for the P1 students so we're partying all week! (not really, mom. don't worry. i'm not drinking or anything.) keep safe everyone!

KITTEHS!

so basically i'm completely emotionally drained after today. plus i have to be up in roughly 6 hours to drive 10-12 hours tomorrow. yaaaay. i leave you with this piece of adorableness (wow, spell check recognizes that as a word) to help ease the pain of my leaving.

i think i need a new town

one more day to go until i leave.
last night i went out to dinner with some of my close friends to say goodbye and then tonight i went to red mango with another who was in wyoming yesterday. i also said goodbye to everyone at work today.
i'm pretty proud that i managed to hold off the tears for as long as i did. but as soon as i heard natalie start sniffling when she was hugging me, i lost it. pretty much i've been crying on and off ever since. the one blessing in all of this is that i've been too busy to make myself too nervous or panicky.
i'm sure i'll have another post tomorrow night with more tears and then i'll try and take pictures and update while on the road.
one quick thing: if you look up at the top of this page, right under the banner, it has a couple links, "the posts" and "the muffin." i can add more pages to the blog but i don't know what to put there! if anyone has ideas, let me know. i know some people put lists of things they want to do during their life but honestly my list is pretty short and pathetic right now. maybe a list of books i own and need to read? or pictures of something? i don't know. i'll ponder it. maybe a calendar so my mom will know what i'm up to all the time. :p

the demon girl

Demon Girl by Penelope Fletcher

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


i'm torn on what to give this book. for starters, the concept is AMAZING and for the most part the storyline and characters are intriguing. you start off thinking it's going to be the same old love triangle with the girl whining about how hard it is to have two boys love you and blah blah blah but rae is actually a really strong character and you can see her feelings for both boys, making her seem more sincere. one of the smaller details i thought was really interesting was how fletcher mentions in passing that since humans were almost wiped out, they've had to set religions and races aside and band together, leading to one "religion" and a community where everyone has a similar skin tone with small variations. thinking about it, it's true that this would likely happen. i've never read anything like this in any other apocalyptic/dystopian novels.
okay, now for the bad stuff. as amazing as the story is, it's really frustrating to be in the middle of a good part and have to go back and re-read a sentence several times due to a grammatical/spelling error. i don't think fletcher had anyone edit this and if she did, she needs to fire them and find someone else for her next books. here are a couple of examples that really bothered me:
"There were few people wandering around who were not emancipated looking, and it was usually a sure sign the person was a Priest or related to one. Only they could afford to eat enough to be anything other than thin."
the word she means to use is EMACIATED. emancipated means a sort of freedom, no longer being constrained by custom or tradition.
"The class divided up into little clicks and Ro came over."
clicks are noises. cliques are groups of people who share common interests or personalities.
i'm not quite ready to give up on her and i'm hoping the next novel shows drastic improvements in her spelling and grammar, although the preview chapter at the end of this book doesn't seem promising.



View all my reviews

ready, set, don't go

fair warning: i will probably start to cry halfway through this post.
there haven't been any new posts lately because 1) i got deathly ill last tuesday (pretty sure it was west nile virus) and then 2) we have been running around like crazy trying to get things packed for georgia.
we rented a pod to put the majority of my world possessions in and my shoes are now on the trek across the country. i will be seeing them again in a little over a week.
i leave on sunday morning so this week is filled with a lot of last minute plans with friends and sad goodbyes. the first was today when i said goodbye to cody. my last words to him: don't kill anyone and don't get killed. his last words to me: you suck. i say that this exchange pretty much sums up our relationship though he says it doesn't. i'm going to miss everyone at the pharmacy like mad. i really feel like i have been adopted into this really weird but awesome family. i don't think they'll ever understand how much i appreciate them.
the hardest goodbyes will be with my real family but luckily those will be put off for another 2 weeks. unfortunately, this means 2 weeks of anticipating saying goodbye which is almost as hard. especially when my mom will burst into tears at random moments. it would be funny how she pretends to be irritated with me only to breakdown crying if it wasn't so sad and heartbreaking. it will be hard for a little while not to have my mom hovering over me and protecting me like she's always done but it will be good for me, i know.
aaaaaand here come the tears. luckily i've just about said everything i've wanted to say. the title of this blog post comes from a billy ray cyrus song (yes, i do realize it's BILLY RAY but it actually is an amazing song that makes me cry every time i hear it). anyway, i'll share it so all of you can cry, too. then i won't feel so lame.

penguileon (with pictures!)

roads

once again, very late post, although i DID take the picture on time for photo theme thursday. the theme was "roads" so i took a picture of the street i grew up on and the view i have lived with my entire life. the same street and view i will be leaving in less than a month. it's crazy that now i'm counting down by weeks instead of months. i remember when i was counting the years until i turned 18 and went to college. i am trying to make the most of these last few weeks while trying to finish up getting everything ready so forgive me if my posts are short or even non-existent.
the other day at work, i was helping cody compound and we started talking about random things (like we always do). our topic was global warming. i think global warming is a terrible thing and we need to stop polluting our planet but the scientist in me is kind of excited to see what evolutionary changes the climate will bring about. penguins, for example, will either need to evolve and adapt or die out. i think they'll have to learn to fly. cody thinks they'll have to be better at camouflage to make it in a world with more predators. and so, the penguileon was born.

penguileon: [peng-gwil-lee-uh n] noun - 
1. a hybrid bird species that displays a combination of characteristics from both the penguin and chameleon families. 
2. a unit of measure that is more than "a bucket load" but less than "a crap ton": He spent a penguileon on that bling.

fourth, photo, fiction

first things first, let's start off this post with a catch up from last week's photo theme thursday. part of the reason i put it off is also because i didn't have a good picture but i got one that i like tonight!

curved

i think this is the turtle firework that ended up getting flipped on its back.

i hope everyone had a safe and happy fourth of july. i had fun with my parents and sistah. there are more pictures and videos on my facebook page and also on my new google+ page (though i'm still trying to figure that out. side note: if you want an invite, send me your gmail address).

there is a tertiary reason for this post. i finished reading a pretty interesting book last week and thought i'd give it a little review.

blame

by Michelle Huneven

"Patsy MacLemoore, a twenty-eight-year-old history professor with a brand-new Ph.D. and a wild streak, wakes up in jail—yet again—after another epic alcoholic blackout. This time, though, a mother and daughter are dead, run over in Patsy's driveway. Patsy will the next decades of her life atoning for this unpardonable act. She goes to prison, sobers up, marries a much older man she meets in AA, and makes ongoing amends to her victims' family. Then, another piece of news turns up, casting her crime, and her life, in a different and unexpected light. Brilliant, morally complex, and often funny, Blame is a breathtaking story of contrition and what it takes to rebuild a life from the bottom up."

i wasn't really sure to think about this book when i first marked it "to-read." occasionally i do like to read something a little heavier, a little tragic (last year it was The Rest of Her Life by Laura Moriarty) but alcoholism is a tough subject for me to read about or discuss without getting emotionally involved. i saw it at borders during their "going out of business" sale and got it for a bargain.

the first couple of chapters confused the heck out of me. first, i didn't realize that the point of view had changed from the girl, Joey, to the woman who Joey had met briefly, Patsy. second, it takes a little while to get used to Huneven's writing style. she doesn't use quotes or really any conventional markers when her characters speak. at the same time, though, once i got into the groove of things, i found i liked this style better. it allowed the words to flow more smoothly; it made the dialogue feel more natural.

after the first few chapters, i kept waiting for a BIG DRAMATIC MOMENT. guess what? it doesn't ever really come. you can tell what the "big surprise" basically is from the first of the book and it presents itself slowly. it doesn't slam into your face.

it wasn't until after i had finished the second to the last chapter that i understood what Blame was really about. it's not about an alcoholic, a drunk driver, a murdered family torn apart, it's none of those things that it appears to be on the outside. instead, it's really just a book about handling whatever life throws at us and about taking responsibility for our own actions. i think that's why i really liked this book in the end. it's not that it has some big happy ending - it's that patsy always takes responsibility for what she has done and learns from her past mistakes. she doesn't spend her time feeling sorry for herself or blaming others, although it is hard for her not to do so at times. it's also about learning to forgive ourselves and accept our own imperfections. every past experience has brought us to where we are today and we have the ability to change where we are in the future by the choices we make now. pardon the cliche, but it's not the destination that matters, it's the journey that gets you there. this life is all about learning and living to our fullest extent and i think patsy shows us how to do just that marvelously.

photo theme thur.....oh forget it

sorry, you people will have to deal without a blog post for a couple days while i recuperate from my nightmarish week.
in the meantime, this can entertain you:

photo theme thursday: wooden

wooden

yep, you got it. this thursday's theme is wooden. the above are my first real pair of high heels. i got them for 9th grade promotion, at which i was the valedictorian.  they're still my favorite pair of shoes to this day and they've had to be repaired multiple times because i've worn them so often.  in case you're still wondering how this fits with the "wooden" theme, it's because the soles are wooden.  they make an awesome clacking sound when you walk in them - not the horse kind of clacking sound but a "there's a girl coming down the hall in some hot shoes" kind of clacking sound.

anyway, i've been busy working all week.  it's been kind of crazy at the pharmacy with all the boys gone for a week but it's been fun to just have the girls again!  we get to have conversations that we could never have when the boys are around.  today, for instance, we talked about cervixes.  cervices?  whatever.  (not as weird as it sounds when you know that two of the girls are pregnant)

tonight i used my $14 for $7 groupon to gourmandise with my bcff (best chemistry friend forever; she's probably dying that i called her that considering that she's a biologist and really didn't like chemistry all that much), heather.  she and i took quant analysis together in the summer and were lab partners.  our project was about the amount of estrogens found in effluent waste water and tap water throughout the salt lake valley.  good news: no measurable amounts of estrogen found in tap water.  bad news: high levels of estrogen in waste water.  why does that matter?  i'll tell you why.  we're turning our male fish into girls!  and when there are only girl fish, there are no baby fish being made.  when there are no baby fish, soon there are no adult fish.  no adult fish, no birds that eat the adult fish, and so on.  second bit of good news: this CAN be reversible with proper water treatment.  anyway, you can read the entire report (references included) if you want.  i think it's pretty awesome.  that project is also what solidified my decision to go into research.  it made me realize that 1) i'm not completely incompetent when it comes to working in a lab and 2) there are other types of chemistry besides organic (le gasp!).

finally, i thought i would mention that the U of U Pharmacy Cup and Champagne Brunch is coming up, in case anyone has a spare $150 sitting around that they'd like to put to (semi) good use.

photo theme thursday: liquid

liquid

it's time for another round of photo theme thursday! this time our photo is about "liquid." the above picture was taken at huntington beach in long beach, california. some of my best friends and i went there in 2007 on spring break. it was one of the best times of my life and i am so glad that i went, even if it could get a little scary at times. i would go on another trip with my ACCESS girls in a heartbeat. the five of us that went on this trip are still really close.

this week has been quiet. i had a phone advisory session this morning with the associate dean of student affairs for UGA college of pharmacy. i'm all registered for my fall classes! i'm getting pretty excited now.

other than that, not much has happened. i got my grade back on my anthropology midterm and it was decent, 10 points above average. i have another assignment due monday morning and then my next midterm in a couple of weeks.

i should probably stop procrastinating now and actually clean up my room. it's kind of scary looking. plus i have presents to wrap! i've had 4 friends that have had birthdays recently, plus father's day is coming up! i'll tell you what i got my pops after sunday. fyi, it's pretty awesome. maybe i'll make some cookies tonight, too, like i've been trying to do for the past 4 months.