i know it's been a long time since i last updated and there are actually quite a few things i should talk about but right now i am seriously upset and i just need to vent.
that being said, take everything written from this point on with a grain of salt. chances are that i'll say something now that i wouldn't say if i had taken a day to calm down.
today i became aware of a discussion surrounding a certain facebook page that celebrates science. people have recently discovered that the owner and administrator of this page possesses lady parts. naturally, this has caused the internet to have a meltdown. another owner of lady parts wrote a blog about how sad it is that our society naturally assumes SCIENCE = MANLY. this blogger also pointed out how the facebook page owner was made uncomfortable when people started to comment on how they thought she was aesthetically pleasing. now the blogger is being torn to shreds because she dared to tell those who commented that THEY MADE SOMEONE UNCOMFORTABLE. she is making a "big deal" out of something that is really not a problem.
guess what?
THIS IS REALLY A PROBLEM.
THIS IS REALLY A BIG PROBLEM.
when i was in elementary, junior high, and high school, i was smart. i didn't feel weird for liking my chemistry classes or getting the highest grades in math. i thought i was cool. the friends i had thought i was pretty cool, too. or at least they thought i wasn't terribly UNcool. they did hang around me.
then college came.
those same friends and those supportive teachers weren't there anymore. i wasn't in a class of 30 kids. i was in classes of 300. luckily, i managed to find a support group of 20 other brilliant females who were also scientifically inclined. still, 21 vs 30,000 is pretty bad odds. we studied together, took classes together, even lived together. we created a safe haven for ourselves where we could be both scientists and girls. we could discuss organic chemistry one minute and shoes the next AND THIS WAS NOT THOUGHT OF AS STRANGE. the 21 of us had our own little utopia. unfortunately, we all started to choose our majors and career paths and began to take separate classes. some of us moved away to med school. some of us got married. some of us lost touch. and that was when i first realized that the world has a problem.
i was taking a PDEs class where i was one of about 40 students. i was also 1 of 4 female students. i was the only female student i would classify as "girly." every day that i walked into that classroom, half of the males would stare at me in disbelief and/or condescension. the general feeling in the classroom was "how cute that she thinks she can handle this math." the other girls were slightly more tolerated (or should i say "they were more ignored"?) because they didn't flaunt their "girliness." i don't judge those girls for what they wore or how they did their hair. for all i know, it was a coping mechanism and the moment they got out of that classroom, they were dressed in pink from head to toe. what i do know is that the 4 of us girls sat on opposite sides of the room. we never spoke to each other. i think we were afraid to band together because that would call more attention down upon us.
so every day, i sat by myself off to the side, trying to listen to the lecture and learn while also trying not to appear weak. i never once asked a question during class because that would admit that i didn't know something. i would wait until class was over then speak to the professor in private. once i answered a question correctly after one of my male peers had given a wrong answer. the glares i received sent the message loud and clear that i was not welcome. once i worked up the courage to approach some of my classmates before class to ask them about a homework problem. the boys looked me over from head to toe, shoved a notebook in my direction, turned their backs and proceeded to ignore me. all i wanted was for someone to explain the problem to me, not give me the answer to copy. none of them even looked up when i left the table. eventually the semester ended. i don't remember much of what i learned about partial differential equations but i will never forget what i learned about men. from then on, my approach to science and math classes was changed. i was immediately on the defensive every time i stepped into a classroom or lab. i did my best not to speak up or answer questions. i had been told where my place was. if i had to be in a science class, i should at least sit there with my mouth shut.
sadly, i consider myself one of the lucky ones. some of those 21 girls went into engineering. the department of chemistry is an estrogen party compared to the engineering schools. i'm still amazed that we made it out of college with degrees and now we're in med school, grad school, pharmacy school, PA school, working in labs, teaching math classes, raising families, and, most incredible of all, we are FUNCTIONAL. we all came out with battle scars but we made it out. how many girls who were not quite so sure if they loved science were scared away because of situations like these? how many brilliant minds have been wasted?
basically, what i really want to say is that NO male has the right to tell me or any other female that we should not be offended when they make comments about how surprised they are that we are scientists. "but it's not like they told me to get back into the kitchen, right?" WRONG. if you want to say something, say "that's awesome. what got you interested in science?" or "cool. i never really understood o chem so i admire anyone who does." or "i like science, too. i wonder what other shared interests we have." also, if you're going to ask a girl what her major is, be prepared for an answer like "chemistry" or "astrophysics" or "biomedical engineering" because when she says one of those things and you reply ".......oh. well, nice meeting you." and turn away to talk to that hot business major, you're perpetuating this awful cycle. you won't remember that encounter, but she will.
